The Most Human of Holidays

I have such a deep love for the Christmas season, I always have. I have a collection of ugly Christmas sweaters, I know where all the best Christmas lights are, and most Christmas songs will make me cry if I listen to them enough.

But lately Christmas has taken on an entirely new depth of meaning for me.

It has become less about cheer and more about chaos...
Less about expectancy and more about defying expectations...
Less about holiness and more about humanity...

There is a certain absurdity and grittiness to the Christmas story. The world expected a messiah who was a warrior, they expected prestige and purity. Instead we were given a child from a nowhere town, born into a shameful engagement and fleeing an oppressive government. It’s messy, scary, and not at all what anyone expected it to be.

But isn’t that usually where holiness is found? In the places that we are most afraid of, where we come face to face with our brokenness, when no one else understands... that is where Christ is found.

Because Christ is so much more than a baby in a manger. Christ shows us that it is possible to be fully human and fully divine at the same time. Christ is evidence that God is found in all of the wild beauty of our humanity.

Christ is holy human.
Christ is wholly human.

My dear friends, I pray that in this Christmas season you find the holiness of your own humanity.

For Those With Eyes To See

I've been struggling a lot with the anxiety of being myself.

I'm learning a lot about who I am, the fullness of myself. I am learning about my fears and my desires, my hurts and hangups. I am realizing that I am so much more than the person I was trying to be. I'm finding a lot of freedom and beauty in showing up as all of me. In this newfound freedom, I am finding I want to tell people more about who I am. I want to stop hiding.

But I'm also realizing that when I step into the light, some people won't be happy with what they see. There is this urge to explain myself to people, to turn the situation just enough that they'll understand it. To say it in a certain way so that they are more likely to be okay with me. I don't want all that I am and all that I've done to be written off because one part of me is out in the open.

I spoke with my Spiritual Director about this today. We talked about Jesus during his ministry. So often he would retreat, he would separate from all of the crowds and go find a quiet place to pray. I imagine in their eyes it looked like he was turning away from ministry, he was running away from people who needed his help.

The reality is that he knew his priorities, he knew that no amount of helping would matter if he wasn't connected to God and himself. None of it means anything without the Source.

So what the crowds saw as a turning away was actually a turning toward what really mattered.

And I was thinking about how he didn't explain this to them. He never had a big sermon explaining and defending why he needed to step away from ministry sometimes. He didn't hide it either though, he would walk away as the crowds watched him. He did what he needed to do regardless of who was around or what they had to say.

He would often say, "For those with eyes to see..." He knew that everyone wouldn't get it, and that was okay. Everyone doesn't need to get it. For the ones who have eyes to see, it doesn't take much to recognize where wholeness and healing are found. For those without eyes to see, no amount of explanation will ever bring true understanding.

So how do I be myself fully, without needing to hide or explain who I am? How do I turn toward God when others think I am turning away? I choose to realize that how others react to me has nothing to do with who I am. It's just a matter of whether or not they have the eyes to see.