1. (n) Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.
2. (n) Strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion.
Growing up in a Christian environment you hear a lot about faith. You're supposed to speak about your faith, walk by faith, and not hide your faith. In all of this, I think faith became less about the first definition of trust and confidence and instead took on the second definition of doctrine. Looking at it now, it makes me sad. It's like someone saying they "love" burgers. It brings a beautiful, intense word down to a very shallow place.
To the Christian culture I have lived a life of faith. I never made a tragic, rebellious decision. I have walked friends and strangers through the "Sinner's Prayer". I volunteered, I taught, I sang with my arms raised. I had this stuff locked down.
But now, being in a different country and having no idea where I belong or what I need to do, I am truly living by faith for the first time in my life. I'm not talking about doctrine, I'm talking about trust. I'm walking through the wilderness and hoping that the guide will show up. I'm praying for my family without having the option to manipulate the outcome of those prayers. I'm looking for my place without knowing whether or not it actually exists. It's scary stuff.
There's a reason trust-falls strengthen a team or relationship, it's because trusting is hard. I think it's against our nature to trust someone else with our lives or future, that's why we work so hard to hold our lives in our own hands. We get comfortable jobs, sturdy houses, and easy going friends. We hope that we can construct a stable life where we don't have to deeply rely on any one person. If one person we trusted abandons us, we can be jaded for years or even a lifetime. But then what are we left with? A funeral and a comfortable house for our friends to mourn in.
I think there has to be something more. I want to have faith in my life, whether it relates to my relationships, lifestyle, or belief system. I want to trust in the extreme. It may be a bit more uncomfortable, but I choose to believe it will be more rewarding.
