Today was a day of housekeeping and errand running. I finally attended to the pile of laundry that has been piling up for nearly three weeks. I went to the market to stock up the fridge, and cleaned out my pantry.
As I reorganized and closed drawers, throwing away or giving away things that no longer belong- I began to cry.
Because this little room of mine is my home. Every night I sleep enclosed in the comfort of my mosquito net. Every morning I wake up and am graced by the quotes I have filled my walls with. I pray in my corner and work at my desk.
It's the first time I have ever had my own space. I can close and open the door as I please, opening up to new possibilities or closing the world off for a moment of peace. I have wept in this room, I have laughed in this room, I have had sleepovers and completed projects. Over the two years of living here I have rearranged the room a number of times. The latest arrangement is my favorite of all. Everything seems to have fallen into its proper place... I realize this as I am realizing I will need to say goodbye to it in a few short months.
It's heartbreaking because the room is a glimpse into my life as a whole. I have made a life that I love, a space that can somehow encompass all of the best parts of me while gently smoothing out the rough spots. I weep because I do not belong in the place where I have found belonging.
I am excited for this coming season of life, don't take this as a post about regret. I know that I must be shaped further by a new environment and new adventures. But I have to be honest and admit that it is heartbreaking to lose the environment that has made me whole. It's hard to lose my home.
As I reorganized and closed drawers, throwing away or giving away things that no longer belong- I began to cry.
Because this little room of mine is my home. Every night I sleep enclosed in the comfort of my mosquito net. Every morning I wake up and am graced by the quotes I have filled my walls with. I pray in my corner and work at my desk.
It's the first time I have ever had my own space. I can close and open the door as I please, opening up to new possibilities or closing the world off for a moment of peace. I have wept in this room, I have laughed in this room, I have had sleepovers and completed projects. Over the two years of living here I have rearranged the room a number of times. The latest arrangement is my favorite of all. Everything seems to have fallen into its proper place... I realize this as I am realizing I will need to say goodbye to it in a few short months.
It's heartbreaking because the room is a glimpse into my life as a whole. I have made a life that I love, a space that can somehow encompass all of the best parts of me while gently smoothing out the rough spots. I weep because I do not belong in the place where I have found belonging.
I am excited for this coming season of life, don't take this as a post about regret. I know that I must be shaped further by a new environment and new adventures. But I have to be honest and admit that it is heartbreaking to lose the environment that has made me whole. It's hard to lose my home.
