Above all, trust in the slow work of God. We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay. Only God could say what this new spirit gradually forming within us will be. Let us give God the benefit of believing that God’s hand is leading us, and let’s accept the anxiety of feeling ourselves in suspense and incomplete. -Teilhard de ChardinThis prayer came up during my time at the Living School Symposium. Let me tell you, I feel it deeply. I feel in suspense and incomplete.
I had another experience during the gathering. A group went on a walking prayer/meditation. The leader encouraged us to consider hugging a tree along the way. I saw a little tree that didn't quite fit with the rest, not quite fully grown but also not brand new. Not along the path but not a centerpiece either. I went and hugged her, and laughed at myself for being a literal tree-hugger.
Until my laughter gave way to tears. I realized that as I was holding this tree it was growing beneath my finger tips. The surface seemed still and stationary, but inside of it cells were multiplying and growing and producing new leaves. Me standing there did nothing to give to or take from the tree. It would continue to do what it was made to do- to reach toward Heaven. Because it has no choice but to grow. It may grow crooked, quickly or slowly. But it will grow. It IS growing at all times.
Like dough left in a dark corner to rise. In my times of silence and prayer I am actively doing nothing, I am letting the dough rest. And as it rests in the darkness, it grows to what it needs to be.
I am desperate to heal the dark parts of my soul. I am waiting to heal. Yet I am also beginning to realize that as I wait for the healing, it is already happening to me. Because nothing can stop me from being what I was created to be.
Like the tree grows as I wait for it to grow.
Like the dough rises as I wait for it to rise.
I am healing as I wait to be healed,
I am becoming as I am waiting.
