I just bought my one-way ticket from Cambodia to the US. It's official.
Let me tell you, it's surreal. I have known this transition was coming, but now it is set in stone.
I recently realized that this will be the first time in my life where I know what will be happening 6 months or even a year in advance. The changes in my life have always happened to me or have had a sense of urgency and unknowing. Even when I came to Cambodia, I had no idea whether I would be here for 6 months or 10 years. All of my life transitions have been open-ended and swift. This time I know all the details in advance. I know I will leave Cambodia in 4 months. I know two weeks after I arrive in the US I will being the Living School. I know what my source of income will be.
Yet despite all this "knowing", this feels like the most uncertain transition I have ever faced. When I originally moved to Cambodia I knew that I could retreat back to the US if things went south, and life would essentiallly be the same. Now, I am going back a different person. I also realize that the people I am going back to have had their own life transitions and changes in these years. What I am going back to is not at all what I left. This known uncertainty is somehow more terrifying the the pure unknown.
As terrifying as it is... as heartbroken as I am to leave... there is a stirring of excitement in my heart. Like walking the same trail years later after you have gained strength and wisdom. While the terrain is similar, I am different. I am surrounded by different people on this same wild journey.
I long to use these experiences I have gained to create a brighter future wherever I am.
I hope my experience with physical poverty helps me better love westerners in emotional poverty.
I hope my experience as a stranger in a strange land helps me better love the strangers in my homeland.
I hope the light from my wild dreams helps other brighten the path to their own aspirations.
Most of all, I hope to continue becoming. I hope this next season will bring about new growth and insights. And for now, I hope to be present and experience every moment left in Cambodia to the fullest.
