I had a call with my grandmother this week. She told me she has been diagnosed with cancer and is beginning chemotherapy soon. I have been struggling to understand the severity of the situation. A world away I can only know what other people tell me. I try to read between the lines of their messages, hoping they hold the answer for me. Wishing they would tell me how much I am allowed to worry and how much it is okay to cry..
You see my grandma is radiant. She is the kindest, most loving and optimistic soul that ever lived. I have never once heard her speak a negative or cynical word. Even in immense pain, her words will never show it. The only thing that exposes her is the twinkling sadness in her eyes. But I can't see that from here, I can't know for certain how she is feeling in the depths of her heart.
Just last week I was speaking to a friend here in Cambodia about my grandmother. I spent some time talking about how lovely she is, and mentioned that I have always imagined I would move to Canada with her when she gets old and sick. "That won't be for a long time though..." I said with certainty.
Now the time is here and yet I know it's not time for me to be there. In my head I know she is in capable hands, I know she has an amazing community where she is that will care for her as she fights this.
My whole heart is with her while she goes through these treatments. But my body is here in Cambodia. And that is the hardest part, being torn as my heart is literally a world away.
