A Hand Up Or A Hand Out

There are a lot of NGOs (non-government organizations) in Cambodia. Everywhere you go you meet people who are here to do good for the Khmer people. Some provide food, some education, some safety. It truly is beautiful, so many people from around the world saw that this place was in need and came to help.

Being in this environment where people are doing good left and right, I really began to realize that there are two different mentalities when it comes to helping people.

First, there are handouts. Now handouts are great to a certain extent. When someone is dying from starvation or illness, they just need to be well. The first focus should be giving this person food and care, expecting nothing from them. Sometimes you are so stuck in the cycles of poverty, disease, and slavery that you have nothing to give. This is where we need people to step up and care for the unreached and unloved without expecting anything more from people.

But after someone is fed, healthy and free, we need to do more. You can provide food for someone everyday for the rest of their life. But then what have you done? You've fed them, yes, and that is great. What about their value as a human being though? What about their ability to create and find meaning in life?

A friend here told me about a recent conversation with a local woman. The woman told her daughter that she shouldn't bother trying to go to school, because if she goes to a certain place they will give her rice every day. This woman had been trained for so long to simply take handouts that she saw no reason to work and want more out of life.  To the extent that she would take the opportunity of an education away from her young daughter. This isn't to say that the organization giving rice was bad, it just means we need to do continue beyond that.

Then there's the alternative, of helping people while simultaneously teaching them how to help themselves. For example, the organization I work with has helped a family (and is in the process of helping another) by building a cricket farm in their home. They bought all of the materials, did the research, and then taught the family. Now the family raises and sells crickets. They are able to provide for themselves each month with a sustainable trade. They have stability in their lives and they have value in knowing that they worked for what they have. Instead of feeling like their income could disappear on the whim of some NGO, they are secure in knowing that they can provide for themselves as long as they want to.

Again, I'm not saying anything against organizations whose main focus is a handout, because that is necessary sometimes. I'm just saying that I see the contrast now, and in different situations each option has its strengths.

Bear with me, I'm trying to be vulnerable here.., I think that most of my life I have had a handout mentality. Giving someone a handout is quick and easy. I think my pride led me to seek after things where I could help quickly and look like the hero rather than taking the time to provide guidance. If someone was overwhelmed with a project, I'd take the project on myself rather than helping them through it. I'd clean the entire house on my own (humble-bragging the entire way through) instead of teaching the kids how to do part of it. This leaked into most areas of my life- work, family, friendships, school... I actually gave up a mostly paid for education to be at home with a family that probably could have survived without me. We look down on parents in this country taking their kids out of school and forcing them to work instead, but I did that exact thing to myself.

Honestly, I never saw how damaging that was to myself and the people around me. I'm just now starting to realize the destruction caused by living that way. When you see a cycle of endless handouts, you see people who are fed, but dehumanized and incapable.

That's all I have to say on this one, let's aim for more. Let's be gracious and give handouts where they are needed, but then give people a hand-up. Rather than assisting within a cycle, let's end the cycle and provide new beginnings.

Prayer and People- SOJ Summer 2016

Hey folks! I'm a little late to the game, but I wanted to post a bit about my experience on the Steps of Justice trips in July. For those of you who don't know, Steps Of Justice is the amazing organization that I originally came to Cambodia with 4 years ago. This year, I had the pleasure of co-leading two summer trips.

With each Steps of Justice trip that I've been on I find there is a theme of sorts. Each team has its own dynamic, and I learn so much from each thing we do. Still, with each trip I feel like there is something being worked on in my own heart. The struggles that I'm already trying to figure out are lit up and seriously accelerated. It's tough, but helpful.

Prayer
On the first trip I think the thing that was really being worked on is my heart towards prayer. During my deconstruction over these past two years I started to take issue with how people pray nowadays. It upset me to think that “god” could save someone from an illness, but would only do so if I decided to pray for them. You can apply this to a hundred different things, changing a country, giving someone peace, etc... If god is all-powerful he shouldn't need us to ask in order for him to act. I became pretty calloused toward the whole idea. I began to only practice meditative or contemplative prayer, I still find these to be helpful on a daily basis, but I'm beginning to pray like I used to on some occasions.

I also had the opportunity of meeting people on this trip who put a huge value on prayer. I saw the authenticity of their prayer and began to see the beauty in it again. I think back home I started to see people praying like those Pharisees on the street corners, so I disassociated from it. I threw the baby out with the bathwater.

I have a friend here who works in the red light district. She is beautiful and I love her. Each time I saw her, she would enthusiastically ask me to pray for her. So I did.. I prayed with fervor, I prayed for her heart and body, for her family, for her past and future, anything and everything. Each night when she asked again, I would pray again. It was the deepest and hardest I've prayed in quite some time. Since that trip, I've found that I am more quick to go to prayer for comfort and encouragement.

People
On the second trip, I was really dealing with how I connect to people and where they are at. I'm an introvert at heart, but I love being with people at the same time. I have always had people in my life who made an effort to connect with me. Lately, it's been the other way around. If I want to connect with people, I need to make a serious effort. The people on the trips sometimes need to be coaxed out of their shells, and I'm not used to being the one to do the coaxing.

Back in the States, I have dear friends who put forth so much effort to connect with me. They know who they are, and I am SO grateful for them. I'm realizing now how difficult it must be for them to always make attempts without knowing whether or not I'll respond and meet them halfway. I want to be better at this. I'm still bad at social media and communicating from afar, but I want to make more of an effort to meet people where they are at rather than forcing them to come to me every time. I'm realizing that even introverts like myself crave a certain level of connection with people.

On top of this, I am realizing all over again how much I love to hear people's stories and thoughts. Each person I have met is so unique and amazing. They all have their own histories and ideas that are one of a kind, and it is such an honor to know them. I can say with complete honesty that I deeply love the people who have been on these trips and cannot wait to see their lives continue to unfold.

There is so much more I've learned on this trip, a novel couldn't contain it all. I've learned more about the dynamics of mission work whether it be short or long term, I've had conversations with so many people that have me thinking about different pieces of my belief system, I've had the opportunity of watching my sister and others grow in new ways. It has been lovely.

I can't wait to do it all over again!