Sausage and Seminary

I've been carrying the thought of what's next with me for a while now. I wonder if it's seminary or university or becoming a barista. It's an ever present question for myself and others, what am I moving toward? I keep wrestling with the tension of wanting to be somewhere other than where I am, even though I know I'm exactly where I need to be.

Today I was cooking with my beloved friend, H.
H: "You know that sausage is never going to cook if you don't stop stirring it."
Me: "What do you mean? I'm giving it all of my attention to make sure it does cook."
H: "Yeah but if you don't let it sit still for a while the heat will never actually sit in one spot long enough to cook it. Your stirring is slowing it down."

There you have it, my stirring is slowing it down.

I over water plants...
I over love relationships...
I over think decisions...
And I over stir the sausage.

I've never wondered if I was not enough, instead I wonder if I'm just too much.

The problem is I get anxious in these liminal spaces. I look for constant movement and progress in the hopes of finding something new. What I don't realize is that it is my over seeking leading to more and more unanswered questions. If I could learn to sit in the stillness, maybe the answers would find their way to me. Maybe I just need to let the heat soak in for a while.