How do you sleep at night?

As many of you may know, there is a grandma in one of the villages where I work who was in a terrible moto accident. She was bringing vegetables to the market to sell and another moto driver ran into her. He left her bleeding out on the sidewalk. Luckily, a group of people at the market pooled their funds to get her to the hospital and she had an emergency surgery to put a metal rod into her leg/hip to stabilize it. This grandma is now getting the help she needs (more info at the end of this post if you want to get involved!). But I wondered to myself, this man who left her to die, how does he sleep at night? How does he carry on believing that he took the life of an innocent woman?

Then a few days ago there was a terrible accident here in the city. A man was driving drunk, speeding down the wrong side of the road. He hit a moto and killed the rider on impact. Then, the driver panicked and while trying to flee the scene hit more than 10 other motorcycles. He killed multiple people, and seriously injured many more. A mob ended up tearing him from his crashed car and beat him within an inch of his life, he is now in a coma at a hospital in the city. If he comes out of this coma, how will he live with the guilt of all of the lives he took? How will the people who beat him live with themselves if he dies?

The list goes on.. what about all of the people who have raped and killed someone close to them, how do they sleep at night? How do people carry on knowing that they bullied someone enough to push them to commit suicide? What about my dear friend who is a pimp, who forces women into lives of drugs and prostitution? Where is the hope for people who have done terrible things?

The reality is, we all have done bad things in our lives. The people who commit these horrible crimes, the people we see as being disgusting, they themselves are hurting. My friend who is a lady pimp has been abused her entire life, as have most sexual predators. These people are stuck in a cycle, guilt leads them to do terrible things, which they in turn feel guilty for.

I asked myself where the hope is for these people. How do we get out of a cycle of guilt and abuse?

I think this is where forgiveness comes in.

I know, cheesy. Please stick with me a little longer.

In the last few years, I have absolutely hated people throwing around the word "forgiven". They would act like it is some beautiful miracle that an  eye in the sky doesn't want to burn me forever for stealing $10 as a kid. It sounded petty, shallow, and condemning. This was sick to me, so I tried to remove myself from messages of "forgiveness" and instead move toward messages of inclusion and wholeness.

But, as I often do, I threw the baby out with the bath water. It's because of stories like the ones above the forgiveness is important. I don't believe in a literal hell as a place of eternal torment, so in my world view people don't need forgiveness to get into heaven. Instead, it's the idea that the Divine Creator doesn't hate you for what you've done, so you don't have to hate yourself. It's the reality that you can let go of your own personal hell that you hold onto, and instead find wholeness once again.

Forgiveness isn't someone waving a magic wand and suddenly you're clean. Forgiveness is the opportunity for a fresh start. It's the idea that your past doesn't define you, who you are now and how you move toward your future does. This is the beauty of it all. An abuser can become a healer, a killer can bring about new life, and a liar can bring truth to the world. That is forgiveness, that is how we sleep at night.

Coming to Cambodia has pushed me to redefine a lot of things in my life. It has changed my understanding of love, family, helping, and now.. forgiveness. I guess that's what this is, just me processing through a new understanding of things I thought I understood already. For me, forgiveness used to represent guilt, now it is a beautiful freedom. If you ask me, that's progress.

I AM MAKING ALL THINGS NEW

P.S. If you want to help the grandma I spoke about at the beginning of this post, check out my Facebook for photos and an option to donate if you would like. We will be taking her to the hospital later this week to get the rod out of her leg and help her be mobile again. 

Thanks for your help and prayers, guys!