I Need Help

I've always been relatively self-sufficient. In school, I was the one helping someone else with their homework. In friendships, I prefer to be the one comforting rather needing comfort. With money, I've been the lender rather than the borrower. I frequently tell my family and friends that I am "a strong, independent black woman". 

I'm not bragging... I'm confessing. 

There is something beautiful about needing help. Humans are made to rely on each other. The accomplishment of one is pathetic compared to the accomplishments of a team. Even relationally, our minds deteriorate very quickly when human interaction is taken away from us. I believe that we were created by a Being, and throughout history that Being has made evident how necessary and holy it is to need. 

But despite knowing all of that, I hate to need. Being in Cambodia has forced me to come face to face with my inability to go it alone. Here, I can't get up and go out for the day on my own. If I want to go somewhere I either find someone else who is going there or pray that I come across a Moto driver who knows the place I'm talking about. I can't cook for myself because I don't know what the fruits and vegetables here are or how to use them. I can't even have a conversation with most people unless someone else is there to translate. 

Maybe I don't think I deserve to be helped. 

Maybe I'm too prideful to appear week. 

Maybe I'm afraid I'll be abandoned or rejected if I rely on someone else.

Maybe it's all of the above. In all honesty, I'm not sure. 

My new friends here are so quick to give me a helping hand. Even if I don't ask, they go out of their way to make sure I am cared for and not left in the dark. I'm trying to learn to take that help graciously, and in that I truly think I am becoming better. It's a process, and most days I'm not there yet. Still, day by day I am learning to need others and beginning to realize that my strongest moments are the ones in which I ask for help.